Part 2 approaching (March 7, 2017)

I have said many times that few videos on Internet do not define the true nature of a BDSM relationship. Many people are coming in this lifestyle, by different reasons : curiosity, the adventure of exploring a secret fantasy, finding a sense of their “forbidden” cravings, connecting with people having the same interest and why not, to find themselves and live accordingly to their true nature.

Some people come in with good intentions and genuine emotions, some are coming with a different thought, that they may find some easy prey. I have meet such people who think submission is an act of weakness and act like they are entitled upon those submissives.

For 4 years I have been in the front of the camera, looking, observing, taking in consideration all options. All good Masters with experience that I have known  has been “taken” ,few of them to busy, some of them I have have never meet …some, not interested, so I have been searching, exploring ...trying ...

I have been witness to all kind of approaches “you are a slave, obey me!”  “i want to meet you and tie you up and beat you until you beg me to stop” “i want you to be my slave, I will keep you forever chained, naked and to my mercy” “you should be mine, i am a master, i will keep you locked up and you will serve me and my friends”....etc ….I have to say, that's arousing as a play, but approaching the first time a submissive,trying to be very serious about that sound very scary. “ohhh, I have good intentions, don't worries “ ...ya, sure, but you just blow them away.  My will to give my submission was serious and not to be given to be used as a hobby.  You do not overwhelm your potential submissive with all things you will gonna do to her,  planting scary images in her head and then ask for a phone number, lol.  It is nothing more scary for me than a man who can not control himself.

A submissive is more likely to be way more cautions in life, than other people. I had the tendency to be very suspicious and for me, TRUST was and is very important. So all that kind of approaches and sometimes insistence was not going to well. Many of people had scare me, frighten me or just made me to  hide more inside my shell.

I have meet a lots of people looking for a lifetime relationship with a submissive and telling me that is hard to find ….sometimes the knowledge of approaching a submissive, knowing to make a conversation, not knowing how a submissive brain work,  is making it more difficult.

As I said before, I am not a teacher or a lector ….but I truly believe that if I talk from my own experience, people new into this lifestyle, can have an idea about what is really going on.

It is important to know how a submissive think . It is important to know that sometimes,sex is not everything, that before owning a body or be dominant to one, you have to conquer the mind first. Is well know that a real orgasm come from brain, imaginations, sensations and sometimes, I am sure, you have found yourself aroused just from a simple conversation.

I have always see a Master or a Dominant as a wise man with psychology skills, that know what's going on with your mind and has the ability to play with...anyway, going back to the subject, COMMUNICATION  is very important in building a relationship. So don't be shy to talk. I was very surprised to find out that people who said they liked me very much, or said they love me,  had no clue what coulour i like, what movies i like, what is my favorite food….had no interest in my daily life, or what I do, except sex. All our conversation was about sex or go there inevitably ...well...I do eat, I do have hobbies, I do have bills, I do have depressions, sadness and joy, I do get sick, i do have needs, I do have a life , i do need someone to talk with …and no, I had no need “to be rescue by my miserable life” as some said. I wanted to improve myself, my life,  and only under the guidance of a Master that will be happening, because that's  how my brain works. 

I have always said that the best things come in time...so i have been patient......

January 2017 starting over (March 2, 2017)

Hi everyone , i am right here in my cage and i am staring at a blank paper. I am going back, on the trail of my memories and i can see images from the past like flashes ...As few of you know i have lost my journal some time ago after a disk defragmenter. The file have been overwritten and lost for ever. It is very hard to write the same as I did, when memories are fresh, words come so easy. So here i am today, trying to put all pieces together, like puzzle who will reveal a part of my journey.

January 2017 (March 2, 2017)

NR 2

I have received, during time, lots of emails from people , all asking me different questions or being curious about my lifestyle. I have to admit, sometimes, i am laughing and wonder how some people imagine my life, or how they see a Master slave relationship. I am not a teacher, nor i am fit to lecture anyone, i can only talk from my experience and let people think for themselfs. So i see questions like “ how your Master humiliate you “ “what is the worse punishment“ or “ what is the punishment you like most” “what is the worse humiliation for you ? “ does your Master loan you to others” “ how often your Master is beating your pussy ?” “ are you allowed to eat at the table ?” “ are you allowed to walk free of your cage “ ..etc ..i can’t even remember all questions . Well, this journal- Blog is meant to answer to all of them and more .

I am blown away sometimes when i see that people think i am a kind of brainless, non thinker , who can not move or function without being told. Or i am a kind of robot that can feel no pain or a doll with no sense of responsibility. Actually, one of my main rule is to take care of myself and to do the best i can every day .. Taking care of myself is respecting Master and guard His possessions. To be able to do that, i have to think for myself, i have to take decisions, to be trustworthy, to be down to earth and do absolutely nothing that can harm, injure me or Master.
Every human being is distinctive, everyone of us has a different personality and opinions. Even the basic are the same, from there, each develop his own set of rules according to his personality and principles. Because of that, every Master, Dominant have different requests, set of rules for his submissive or slave.
Yes, it is true, are some moments when i am not allowed to think for myself ...but that's a little different.

My first interaction with BDSM (January 13, 2017)

 NR1

hi everyone :)

Master asked me to share with all of you my journey as a slave, in all her aspects - thoughts, emotions, experiences and i was happy about that.

That ideea started from our conversations about BDSM, regarding people thoughts about the power exchange dynamic and relationships. As everyone may know, i was a webcam fetish model  and i get in touch with  so many people around the world kinky or not. 

I am not an expert or  teacher, but i really believe with all my heart in my path as a slave and i want to share with all of you my experiences. I truly believe that if people will see  the  reality  behind the screens and beyond the kinky random porn movies they watch on internet, they will have a better understanding of what living a D/s relationship really is (at least for my point of view)

Here, i mention again something that i have said many times " BDSM is not only porn , sex is part of it . BDSM means a structured, respectful world based on power exchange , with protocols and rules."  And yes, as many said to me "but we are here for porn" , i understand that, but also having a better understanding of kink, you will have a better porn experience, that can change your entire world, at least is what happened to me... 

I  have been submissive as long i have remember. I have always wanted to make people happy and i have put their needs above mine. Well, i have learn something from people and  i quote  " I don't know the key to success, but the key for failure is to try to please everyone" .

Alone,trapped,  chased by people judgement and conceptions i have started to question myself as a human being . "I am crazy, a lunatic" was what i have been thinking so often. Often frustrated by my own thoughts and desires so different of what is supposed to be "right" i start to have dark thoughts.

One day ..chasing ghosts on internet, i have found something that captured my eyes  : BDSM.  I look over quickly and i said to myself  "lol, a bunch of crazy people,more crazy that i am " . I have realize that in fact was my inner voice, reacting of what  i have been thought along my life as a concept of "normality". I peek again,close, open, peek, blushing,close,open, blush ....Omg ! all those"crazy" people actually doing what i have always dream and thought, but never had the courage to express myself .

My inner voice had made me to keep the internet close for couple of days, but the thought of all that "forbidden" and "wrong" doesn't gave me peace, hunted me and planted the seed of desire. I had to go back....and i did. What  dragged before my curiosity had dragged now my attention, in short time my full attention.

I have to say that BDSM had change my life. I have learn to accept myself and my real desires and get rid of frustration, had help me to be more confident in myself, to be proud that i am that kind of "special" . BDSM had offered me freedom to say loud my true thoughts, had gave me  freedom to express myself and not in the end, peace- peace and love in my heart.

(September 15, 2016)

(June 10, 2016)

(April 27, 2016)

(March 23, 2016)